🔥 Burning Confessions
And preparing for Lent 🔥
Well here we are, already at the end of February. Every year the swiftness of February catches me by surprise. It may be the shortest month of the year, but in the Rowe house, February is the one most filled to the brim with love and excitement. Between extra dance rehearsals, Valentine’s Day, a birthday, an anniversary, year a new puppy, this month kind of felt like a carnival filled with the best and the brightest things.
Feeling overstimulated by all the goodness, I’m looking forward to the coming of Lent, which begins next week. The busyness of February makes my soul yearn for stillness, and the church calendar responds with the gift of Ash Wednesday and Lent. By the time Ash Wednesday rolls around each year, I’m ready to repent. To seek quiet and stillness in returning to God.
Ash Wednesday has always been one of my favorite worship services in the year. I know that sounds a little morbid, but there’s something about being reminded about my mortality that gives me hope. Ash Wednesday invites us to go on a journey of introspection, learning more about who it is God has created us to be.
Last year, our church didn’t offer an Ash Wednesday service because of the pandemic, so we created our own experience at home. My oldest daughter collected candles from all over the house and arranged them on the counter, where we were just finishing a dinner of homemade soup and sourdough bread. I quietly cleared the dinner dishes, dimmed the lights, and struck a match to light the candles, signifying the start of our family Ash Wednesday worship. I opened my computer and played Create in Me. Tears formed in the corner of my eyes as we sang the words to a tune I have forever loved.
Create in me a clean heart oh God, and renew a right spirit within me…
The house filled with silence when the music ended. Six eyed stared at me, wondering what could come next.
“Would anyone like to read from the Bible?”
Autumn quickly replied “Me!” I handed her a Bible opened to Joel 2:12-17 and listened as her tiny voice proclaimed the word of God.
“Return to me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning; rend your hearts and not your clothing. Return to the Lord, your God, for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love…”
More tears appeared. This time I let them fall. There’s something about hearing God’s Word from a child that gives me a new perspective on whatever is being read.
When Autumn finished the reading, she asked “What does return to the Lord even mean?”
I told her I don’t really know for sure, but maybe it means acknowledging the stuff in our lives that pull us away from what God wants for us. Maybe confessing our sins is part of it? Knowing it’s hard for my girls to talk about the things they’ve done wrong, I shared how hard it is hard for me to think about my sins. I rarely want to admit when I’ve done something wrong. I want people to like me, and if I’ve done something to hurt them, that might not be so.
Smiling at them, I silently considered what to say next. “I love the part of the verse that says God is a merciful God. Slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.” Not wanting them to feel shame over their sins, I continued, “And because of that, we can feel free to confess our sins and know that we will be forgiven.”
Handing each of them a blank piece of paper and a pencil, I offered a few moments of quiet to contemplate what might have pulled us away from God. “You can write words or draw pictures, whichever you want. You don’t have to show anyone.” When my youngest looked at me with tears in her eyes, I picked her up and carried her to the next room. Wiping her tears, I whispered to her, asking if she could remember a time when she had made someone sad or angry. Together, we named a few things, and she decided what to draw.
As we walked back to the counter and she finished her drawing, I realized how much I struggle with regular confession. I get into my routine and don’t realize the many ways I’ve turned away from God. I felt grateful for this opportunity to repent—to turn back to God—who always welcomes me back with open arms.
We folded our pieces of paper full of confessions and placed them into a bowl. I prayed, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me.” David struck a match on its box; a spark ignited almost immediately. The smell of sulfur filled the air as he tossed the match into the bowl, where one after another, the pieces of paper caught fire. Mesmerized by the flames, we watched as they burned, smoke rising in the air like hope.
There’s something cathartic about watching your sins burn. The flames lick the edge of the bowl, the colors change from red to orange to blue and back to orange again. The paper that was once white is now black and ashy. “That looks so cool,” the littlest one said. “I love watching all the colors.”
It reminded me of a time at church camp when I was a teen. One night we did a similar activity—standing in the courtyard outside our dorms with trusted adults as our guides, we wrote sins on a piece of paper and watched them burn in metal garbage cans. I don’t remember the confessions I made, but I remember how I felt when I watched them go up in flames. I remember the tears as I apologized to God for the things I had done. And I remember the way my heart felt lighter after the absolution had been proclaimed.
After every confession was gone, David moved the bowl off to the side, where we let the ashes cool. We read from the book of Matthew and talked about what we might do during Lent to turn ourselves back towards God. When I was sure the ashes were cool, I asked if anyone wanted to mix the ashes with a little olive oil. In what felt like the holiest of moments, the baby of the family—my tiny 6-year-old—turned those burned sins into ashes with her hands. My arms tingled as I watched her tiny fingers mix my burnt sins with olive oil. As she mixed them with olive oil and her fingers turned black, she took on the role of the one who reminds us of the God who loves us, who forgives us, and who always welcomes us home.
I put my finger in the bowl, turned towards her and made the mark of the cross on her forehead as I said, “remember you are dust ... and to dust you shall return.”
She took great pride in reminding us all. She dipped a finger in, pulled it out, raised it up to a forehead, and in her small, quiet, 6-year-old voice, “remember you are dust....and to dust you shall return.”
For me.
For him.
For her sister.
It was in that last tender moment between sisters that I most strongly felt the presence of God among us. It was in that moment that the night became most holy. In that moment, God took all my sorrow of being away from my beloved church community and filled my heart with a deep appreciation for this tender family worship experience we shared around the same counter we had just eaten dinner on.
We washed her hands, then gathered in a circle to say the Lord’s Prayer together. And as I heard their little voices say the words louder and clearer than they’ve ever said them in church, I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that this would be an Ash Wednesday we will never forget.
Not because of what it lacked, but because of how God showed up.
We’re grateful that the pandemic has abated a bit and we are able to gather this year with our beloved church community for the imposition of ashes.
If you’re unable to make it to church for Ash Wednesday, for whatever reason, I invite you to use this Family Worship Guide at home. Maybe you’re quarantined because someone in your family has covid. Maybe your calendar is full and you can’t fit worship into your very packed calendar. Maybe you haven’t found a church home. Or maybe you’re just tired and can’t bear to leave your house.
Friend, that’s okay. It’s okay to set aside fifteen minutes at home. God will be present. The Holy Spirit will show up.
Recipes to Try
It may be almost March, but this weekend is bringing a foot of snow! When the days are still bitterly cold outside, these Braised Short Ribs are the perfect thing to warm you up. Start them mid-afternoon and let them cook all day while you cozy up under a blanket and read a good book. They’re excellent served with these Mashed Root Vegetables (in case you, like me, have no idea what to do with the turnips in your fridge.)
It has been so fun to open our home for joint meals with friends once again. These Pork Carnitas are easy to make and are a huge win with crowds. For the vegetarians among you (or the bean-loving omnivores), consider serving them with a freshly cooked pot of beans (we used King City Pink Beans) and this easy Mexican Slaw. Pull out some cheese, tortillas, and a variety of salsa and you have a regular Taco Bar!
If you have ground pork (or beef or lamb), I highly recommend this Baked Rigatoni with Tiny Meatballs. You can serve it with a big garden salad or you can hide some caramelized cabbage, shredded carrots, or greens in it, if you're up for that kind of thing.
This is the time of year when eating mostly vegetarian gets a little tricky. We tend to eat more meat in the Winter months, but these Carrot and White Bean Burgers are a great veggie-loaded meal for the depths of winter. They are easy to make and use ingredients you likely have stashed way back in your pantry. I served them with this Turnip Gratin and it was the first time my family approved of turnips.
Books to Read
I started reading Kristin Lavransdatter at the beginning of the month and haven’t read much else. My unreturned library books are stacking up because I can’t read much else. It’s close to 1200 pages, but I just can’t put it down. I’m enjoying the slower pace of reading and am looking forward to finishing it throughout the Lenten season. It’s filled with themes of repentance and forgiveness and is a great novel to read if you’re looking to dig a little deeper this Lent.
For a Lenten devotional this year, I’m going to continue my theme of reading about food with A Time to Grow: Lenten Lessons from the Garden to the Table.
For the kids, we just finished up Lena, the Sea, and Me as a family read aloud. The sequel to my beloved Adventures with Waffles, I loved returning to the life of some of our favorite characters. Although we all agreed it’s not as good as Waffles, it is still a wonderful book with incredible character development. It also is filled with the theme of forgiveness. I highly recommend it if you’re looking for a great kid lit book to read.
With regards to writing, I just finished both Wild Words by Nicole Gulotta and The Memoir Project by Marion Roach Smith, both of which were incredibly helpful reads. The Memoir Project challenged me to think differently about the way I spend my time writing and Wild Words gave me grace to accept that I simply don’t have the capacity to treat writing like my full time job. There’s a balance there somewhere—I’m still searching for it.
Playlist
This month’s playlist is a little longer than usual to get you through Lent. It has some of my favorite reflective contemporary songs as well as my favorite Lenten hymns I’ve sung since I was a tiny child.
For Your Consideration
If you hadn’t noticed already, this month’s graphics are brought to you by The Marvelous Mrs Maisel, which has finally returned for a new season. Nothing makes me laugh like Midge Maisel does.
I have sung praises about CODA since I first saw it and I was THRILLED to see that Troy Kotsur won an Oscar for his performance as the father.
This essay about the beauty of friendship reminds me how much of an honor it is to share both the joy and the grief that comes when we experience life with others.
If you need help getting rid of junk, this guide is well worth a read.
In Case You Missed It
I shared this earlier, but I want to make sure you don’t miss it. This family guide to Ash Wednesday is full of songs to sing, Bible verses to read, questions to ponder, and an activity to help ground you on the first day of Lent.
Need a fun activity? How about creating a spine poem or a poem about what creating looks like in this season of life? Or maybe going ice skating for the first time ever. Or maybe you just need to curl up with a good Kid Lit book.
I joined Modern Mrs Darcy in sharing Ten Things Saving my Life Right Now, the latest Exhale Blog Hop with the theme “love is like,” and my friend Shannon with weekly posts highlighting the ordinary beauty around us. If you look closely, you can find a sneak peak of a new project I’m very slowly working on.
And when you need a friend, you can count on me.
Prayer for the Preparation of Lent
Loving God,
Fill our hearts and minds with an awareness of your Spirit. Grant us a willingness to see how you are working in the world around us. Help us slow down and allow the stillness of Lent to change us from the inside out. Give us courage to experience you in new and meaningful ways.
Gracious God, thank you for your steadfast love and unending mercy. Throughout these next forty days, refresh our bodies and our minds. Fill us up and give us new energy to portray your love to the world.
We ask all these things in the name of your Son, our Savior, Jesus Christ.
Amen.
May you have a blessed Lent my friends. Until next month,
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