📓I'm Going On Retreat!

And am feeling a little in over my head...📓

In just a few weeks, I will be on a writing retreat with some incredibly badass writers, including Lauren Winner, Charlotte Donlon, Amy Peterson, and two handfuls of other published writers that I haven’t met yet.

Can I admit something? I feel a little in over my head.

I applied for the Craft & Revision Retreat right after my time at The Glen. I came home confident in my calling as a writer, and I was ready to commit to moving forward and finally write—rather than just dream about—a book. But, my writing life this Fall hasn’t looked like I had planned. When I committed to writing a book, I thought my kids would be going to school part-time. I thought we’d be able to continue “Dadurday” (where David takes the kids and the dog for a Saturday adventure so that I can write at home alone most of the day). Instead, we’re homeschooling full-time and most weekends, both David and I have other Saturday responsibilities.

When I signed up for the Retreat, I thought I had an outline. I thought I had a plan. But it wasn’t long before I realized what I thought was an outline was really just a bunch of jumbled thoughts in my head. The more time I spent thinking about writing a book, the more I remembered writing over the years. So instead of writing new material, I’ve spent the last several months going through everything I’ve written since I first started blogging back in 2008. I’ve saved over 500 pages of material—much of which is related to the topic of food. What I’m discovering (I think) is that the book is less about food and more about moving 1000 miles away from home; and finding a way to grow new roots without losing the roots you’ve always had.

To say I have anything resembling a rough draft would just be a flat-out lie, and there’s really nothing ready for feedback or revision. There have been many moments over the last several weeks where doubt has begun to creep in. In looking back over the vast amount of material I wrote in my twenties and thirties, I started to wonder if I can really get my writing momentum back. I can’t help but compare myself to the other writers who will be at the Retreat. They are more published, more experienced, more disciplined. I turned 42 on Saturday. I feel like I should be established, yet in so many ways it feels like I’m a baby writer all over again.

But I am confident that God has called me to participate in this retreat, for reasons I may not know. So instead of using the weekend to work on my book amoeba, I’ve pulled out three essays that are near and dear to my heart but have been rejected over and over again, and I’m going to workshop the hell out of them. I’m vowing to be strong, and level-headed, and to hear the feedback for what it is—a way to make them better. I’m going to meet authors, make connections, and walk one step closer to fully accepting my calling as a writer.

Will you pray for me and my time there?

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October is the very best time to make Deb Perelman’s Pork Tenderloin Agrodolce with Squash Rings. I like to use acorn squash or delicata squash, but any winter squash will do. The leftovers (if you are lucky enough to have any) are excellent for breakfast the next day.

I am loving the return of the Root Veggie Sheet Pan dinner. Anything goes with this meal - beets, winter squash of all kinds, potatoes, carrots, fennel, onion - whatever you can find at the local farm or market. Sometimes I add a hasselback kielbasa. Sometimes I make a whole grain blend and turn it into a Grain Bowl. We eat a variation of this meal several times a month in Fall.

And no October newsletter would be complete without telling you about my favorite Fall Salad. I could eat it every day for lunch and never get tired of it. I cheat and use Stacy’s Pita Chips rather than make my own, because even I need an occasional shortcut in the kitchen.

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I started reading The Long Devotion: Poets Writing Motherhood sometime in April. I kept putting it down because it hit too close to home and stirred up too many emotions I just didn’t want to handle. But. I made it my priority last month to finish it. And it met me right where I was, in all of my confusion and despair and wonder if I could really mother and homeschool and write all at the same time. I highly recommend it for anyone wondering how to balance mothering and creating. Or really just motherhood in general.

I chose The Attic Child by Lola Jaye from Book of the Month in September because the title reminded me of Flowers in the Attic by V.C. Andrews, which brought me back to my high school years. The Attic Child has nothing to do with Flowers of the Attic, except that there are children and attics involved in both books. It was heart-wrenching and also so incredibly beautiful. I highly recommend.

Take My Hand by Dolen Perkins-Valdez is another book that had been on my shelf for months, but it took me a while to be ready to think about abortion after the overturning of Roe v. Wade. I wish I could buy a thousand copies of this and hand it out to everyone I know. It raises so many ethical questions about the medical field and government, as well as shining a spotlight on the history of women’s rights and racial equality. If you pick one book from my list to read this month, I hope it’s this one.

I listened to a podcast with Alexis Hall and immediately went to the library to find one of his books. Rosaline Palmer Takes the Cake practically screamed at me from the shelf. I loved every single minute of it. It’s about a single mother who goes on a baking reality show … I mean, what’s not to love?

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Have you heard? Last week, Taylor Swift released her latest album, and it’s basically all I’ve been listening to the last several days. But, I also recently discovered Spotify’s New Music Friday Playlist, and I’m loving hearing all the newest releases each Friday on my drive to the farm. This month I compiled a bunch of my favorites - and yes, a good chunk of them are from Taylor. Go on, turn the volume up, and get a little sassy.

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When doing some work for the Literary Mama blog this month, I stumbled upon “Let’s Talk About Sex” from the October 2003 issue. It may have been published nineteen years ago, but the thing about great writing is that it’s timeless. Women don’t talk about sex enough, and I love that Literary Mama isn’t afraid to publish stuff like this.

Speaking of sex, earlier this month, NY Times published “Half the World Has a Clitoris. Why Don’t Doctors Study It?” (gifted article) See? I told you we don’t talk about sex enough.

This Guide for Planning a Creative Retreat by Charlotte Donlon is an incredible resource for all creatives. I can’t wait to use some of these when I’m on retreat with her next month.

My friend Kim has such a gift for sharing love and grace through her words. I was excited to read this update on her upcoming book. Congrats friend!

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On Mammogram Day, wear your sexiest black underwear [aka superhero cape]. The lace makes you feel invincible. If they find an evil villain, you’ll be confident it will be one you can fight.

~From How to Prepare for your First Mammogram

Painting my nails is one of my favorite ways to make time stop for an hour or so each week. When my nails are wet, I have an excuse to not do what someone asks of me. It’s my self-care secret weapon. About four times a year, I splurge on a new color. It’s always seasonal, and it’s almost always Essie. This weekend, David picked up the new Fall 2022 color “Off the Grid” and I am already in love. It reminds me a little of mud, which I know sounds weird, but is really the very best Fall color.

~From What’s Saving My Life This Fall

Rain
pouring
flowing through
gutters Iike blood
coursing through my veins
carrying oxygen
vital nutrients and life
to parched and neglected soil
preparing the ground for better days

~ Rain: A Nonet Poem

When I sat down on the homeschool couch this morning, I shook my head in disgust. This weekend, my kids got out a thousand projects all at once and then left the mess to be dealt with another day.

But the longer I sat there, the more beauty I saw.

~ Introducing #mondaymesses

I sit with my legs crossed and take a deep breath in. Exhaling loudly, I try to push the thoughts away. So many thoughts are in my head these days. Like birds migrating south for winter. They flit, and float, and I can’t seem to hold on to them for longer than a few seconds at a time.

~From Clear the Junk

The wind sang a gentle song, kissing my face to say hello. The sun peeked through the treetops, casting shadows on the path. A bird chirped overhead. Leaves danced through the air.

And God whispered, “Welcome home, my child. There will always be a place for you here. Come and sit. Rest. Breathe.”

~From I Took the Puppy For a Walk in the Woods

When you sit at the table for dinner together, you’ll notice a sparkle in their eyes. And the meal will be one of the best you’ve ever had - whether it tastes good or not.

~From Let them Make Dinner On Their Own

I also shared 42 things I’ve learned in the last year, pulled some poetry out of my stalled folder and played around with redefining the word “Preserve.” And this look at what I tried to read this month is quite laughable. I made it through two of them, marked four to read some other year, and am still slogging my way through A Storm of Witchcraft.

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My dear friend Kelli gave me a book of Breath Prayers for my birthday and I am loving it so much. Are you familiar with the breath prayer? It’s a meditative form of prayer where you choose two lines to meditate on and breathe through them. On the inhale, you pray the first line. One the exhale, you pray the second. Repeat as many times as you’d like.

As you go on your way this month, I invite you to breathe this prayer, remembering God is always right beside you.

INHALE—God, send your Holy Spirit

EXHALE—to guide me through this day.

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Until next month,

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