🥾Taking Risks and Going Deep🥾
January 2022
Late one night, January 2021, I was mindlessly scrolling through the ‘gram when I saw a picture of hiking boots that made me stop. If you knew me pre-pandemic, you know how much I disliked being in nature. Too many bugs. Too much sweat. (Or too much snow in the winter). Unless I was sitting on the beach reading a book, I had no desire to be outside. But if 2020 gave me a gift, it was the gift of getting outside. Spending time in nature had become the only way I knew to stay sane with all the chaos happening in the world. Somehow, I had become a hiker, and this picture of hiking boots was intriguing—had this friend of mine fallen in love with hiking too?
I read the caption only to discover her post wasn’t about hiking at all, but about a writing community she was part of. A community called Exhale. I stopped my scrolling and sat with her image and words for a bit. And then I began to wonder if her post was meant for me.
2019 was supposed to be the year I wrote a book, but life got in the way and I lost my resolve. I had no idea how hard it would be to sit down and write every single day while also homeschooling and doing all the other things mothers do. When 2020 started, I thought I’d try again, but other than a few posts early in the pandemic, I couldn’t find energy to face the page. I posted on social media with thoughtful captions, but none of it felt like writing. It felt like grieving. Like surviving. Like grasping for hope.
In one dark grey pandemic cloud after another, I lost my sense of direction. I was wandering aimlessly trying to find the dreams I knew existed deep within my heart. That picture of hiking books was like a map, pointing me in the direction of writing once again.
So on a whim, I joined my friend in this community of mama creatives. I told my husband, David, I wanted to write more, and I believed this group would help me do it. Within weeks, I signed up for a writing workshop on how to make writing a habit. When that workshop was over, I signed up for another one. And another. And another. I was like a needy toddler, wanting praise for the good things I had written, and longing for someone to tell me how to make it better the next time.
When I joined Exhale that late January night, I had no idea my life was about to change. I had no idea the number of words I would write over the next twelve months. Becoming part of a writing community was the very best investment I ever made in myself.
Last year I wanted to be a writer. This year I am a writer.
Each year, I choose a word to guide me through the year. As I thought about what I wanted my 2022 word to be, I felt pulled to the word less. 2021 was a jumping off year in my writing, where I tried many different things for short bursts of time. I took a lot of writing workshops and printed every single writing prompt I could find. I put them in a folder, and when I didn’t get everything done, I felt like maybe I hadn’t done enough. As 2021 neared its end, I longed for more time to just write. I longed for less stuff on my calendar and more open space. But when I sat down to write about why I had chosen the word less, I realized it wasn’t less that I was longing for. I was feeling pulled to less because I wanted the chance to go deep.
Some time last fall, one of my writing mentors noticed a theme running through my projects. When life gets hard, or confusing, or frustrating, I turn to the kitchen. When I miss my family or don’t know how to spend my free time, I grab some ingredients and get to work. And then I sit down and write about it.
I wrote about winter squash muffins and about making strawberry jam. I wrote about a mayo cake and about a zucchini chocolate cake. I wrote about sharing meals and forgiveness. I wrote about sourdough. I wrote about pasta. It seemed like every story I had to tell revolved around food.
The truth is, I find myself in the kitchen. Literally, yes, but also quite figuratively. Creating beautiful meals—and memories—in the kitchen nourishes and sustains me; and those around me. Food is a thread running through everything I write. I never set out to be a food writer, but I simply can’t stop writing about how food makes life better.
Deep is the word I chose to guide me through this year. I won’t write less, but I might publish less. I want to unearth memories that have been buried for many years. I want to take a deep dive into the world of food memoirs, and memoirs in general. I want to study great writing about food, and I want to share stories of how sharing food with others can be magical. I want to write down family recipes. I want to work on stories of how we can all find ourselves, and a deeper connection to our family and friends, through experimentation in the kitchen. I want to slow down, dig deep, and see what I can find.
This recipe for Spinach and Ricotta Stuffed Shells is one of my ultimate comfort meals. I will often substitute arugula for the spinach, depending on what greens I find in my freezer. To use frozen greens, thaw and drain well before mixing with the garlic in the skillet just long enough to get the excess water out.
Salads want to be sandwiches too!
My favorite meal this month was Christmas Lima Beans with Roasted Spinach, Mushrooms, and Shallots. I made a huge batch of the spinach, mushrooms & shallots and mixed it into everything I ate one week. Mixing it with Christmas Limas was an act of pure genius, and it may be my new favorite winter warm-up meal.
We eat a lot of beans and a lot of pasta this time of year. Both are easy and quick and there are no complaints at dinner. This Pasta e Ceci surprised everyone with its deliciousness. I used black chickpeas that have been hanging out in my pantry for far too long. Once it was done, it reminded me a bit of my Grandma’s Goulash, which I’ve never made, but now I must.
And this recipe for Beans and Cheese was a huge hit around the table. My youngest named it “Macabeany and Cheese” and begged for leftovers for lunch the next day. I didn’t have any white beans, so I subbed in Cranberry Beans instead. The versatility of beans amazes me!
Teenagers are meeting to talk about banned books and it’s giving me a little hope for the future.
Speaking of books, How Many Books Does it Take To Feel Like Home? I personally think a home can never have too many books, but I’d love to hear what you think!
Before Christmas, I made David stock up on rapid covid tests just in case we needed them when we went down south for the holidays. We used several while we were there, and then needed a few more once we got home. Did you know you can order a couple of free tests and they’ll be shipped directly to your house?
I found this article about Keisha Lance Bottoms a fascinating read about my old hometown. I can’t blame her for not wanting to run for mayor again. Public service seems like an impossible job this day and age.
Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer is our January book club choice. I did not realize it was a book of essays until I started reading it two weeks ago, and unfortunately did not finish it before we met to discuss; however, it is beautifully written and makes me want to write. The best books always do. Part of the reason it’s taking me so long to read is because I keep stopping to write notes. From a craft perspective, this book is well worth reading.
The first book I read in 2022 was Joy in the Morning by Betty Smith. [Smith also wrote A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, which I read (and loved) for the first time last year.] Joy in the Morning is an enchanting story about a newlywed couple in the 1920s, the struggles they face, and the way they support each other’s dreams throughout their life together. It’s a fun book and an easy read. I highly recommend it.
As far as memoirs go, I’m currently reading Taste by Stanley Tucci. I simply adore when authors include recipes and I’ve already earmarked several I want to try. His use of family memories with his own experiences and knowledge of what’s happening in the world around him is keeping me engaged throughout his story. I have to be honest and say I had no idea who Stanley Tucci was until I heard about his book, but now I’m a big fan.
**Book links are affiliate links, which means if you decide to buy them, I’ll get a very small commission.
Valentine’s Day runs right up against our oldest daughter’s birthday and our wedding anniversary, so it often gets overshadowed in the Rowe house. But this year, I decided to surprise everyone and splurged on loose leaf tea from Plum Deluxe. A friend of mine gave me some samples in December and I am just in love with the many different flavors they have. I chose Orange & Cinnamon Decaf for the kiddos and Vanilla Toddy for the hubs [to make this]. Oh, and these cute little heart tea infusers.
When I asked David what might be a good Valentine’s gift for guys, he replied with “really warm socks.” At first it seemed like an odd answer, but then I started to think wanting someone to have warm feet does say an awful lot about how much we love someone, so if you’re really stuck on what to get the valentine’s in your life, he suggests something like this.
One Playlist to Get You Through Winter
A little bit love, a little bit nostalgia, a little bit hope. Happy listening!
In Case You Missed It
I recommitted to running, while also giving myself the grace to do it at a slower pace than I originally hoped. Running at 40 is no easy feat.
When setting my 2022 goals, I realized in order to dig deep, I had to let something else go. I won’t be sending regular CSA Adventures emails anymore, but I will continue to update the website with seasonal recipes. This month I added the Christmas Lima Bean recipe as well as one for Veggie Lo Mein.
Did you hear? Two new, previously unpublished poems are coming out in the Moms Who Write Anthology!
We’re getting a puppy! I reflected on what it means to choose a name [and told a story about when I first shared my pregnancy news] as part of this month’s Exhale Blog Hop. There were so many participants this month and they are all so fun to read!
I wrote about slow writing, about what it means to rest, and how the ocean always refreshes my soul.
I also wrote a memoir in six words.
And finally, I shared my favorite books from 2021. [The kid favorites are coming soon!]
A Prayer for Those Who Dream
Gracious God,
You created us, formed us, and redeemed us. You have searched us and know us. You are with us when we are awake and when we are asleep. You call each one of us by name. Just as you have, throughout the ages, spoken to your prophets in dreams and visions, you fill our hearts with desires and dreams. You, Creator of all, have created us to create. Open our hearts to receive these gifts and grant us the wisdom to embrace the dreams you lay upon our hearts.
Give us the faith we need to believe that when you gift us with a dream, you also provide everything we need to fulfill that dream. Open our hearts and our minds to the work of your Holy Spirit among us, so that we may see the gifts you have entrusted to us. Give us the courage to take steps to pursue the dreams you lay upon our hearts. Empower us to live out our dreams in such a way that we glorify you.
We pray all these things in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord,
Amen.
P.S. Did you know today marks ONE YEAR since I sent my first newsletter? Happy birthday newsletter! Would you help me celebrate by filling out this little survey? And maybe tell a friend?
Until next month,
Find me on Instagram | Twitter | The Blog | The Website