🪶What's A Girl to Do?
The Dilemma of Social Media🪶
Since its inception, I’ve had a love/hate relationship with social media.* I love it for the connections it can foster. In a busy, transient world, social media allows me to connect with people I love on an almost daily basis. It takes only moments to post a quick photo with a caption to update my family and friends, near and far. It allows me to share glimpses of what life is like in New England, which is so vastly different from the life we once had in Georgia.
Social media introduces me to people I may have never met otherwise, shows me places I’d never know to explore, and offers stories and ideas that broaden my mind. I’ve made lasting friendships through social media, and nurtured others that would have fallen on the wayside.
And yet.
Social media all too often becomes a time-sucking crutch. Instead of picking up a pen and digging into the deep thoughts churning in my head, I pick up my computer or phone and scroll mindlessly instead.
I have given up social media multiple times since I started using it twenty years ago, but I always return. Maybe it’s because I miss the connection, but I suspect it’s because in many ways, social media is like a drug. It gives me an immediate sense of gratification; with just a few clicks, I can post a picture and have notifications within mere seconds. Someone likes me! Yippee! Yay! I’m important! I’m loved! I’m known!
Last month I shared that I was giving up the internet for August. Truthfully, I didn’t completely give up the internet. I checked my email daily. I googled something multiple times a day. I checked social media occasionally. So much of life is on social media these days, I found it nearly impossible to completely give up.
Facebook has become the place to connect with one another in groups. Homeschool groups, writing groups, even my book club; they all communicate primarily through Facebook. Many of my favorite businesses no longer have websites, instead using Facebook to update the public on hours, special events, or menu changes.
Instagram has become the place to grow a platform. Want to be a writer? Gain followers! Reach more people! Become more valuable! And every single one of those messages reaches deep into my psyche, making me believe my worth depends on the number of likes or follows I have.
But the truth is, I don’t want to create for social media. I don’t want to understand the algorithm. I don’t want to spend time gaining followers. I don’t want to create reels. I simply want to write. Preferably books, but maybe some random deep thoughts in short-form too.
I don’t want to create for an algorithm. I want to create because I love the process. I want to create because deep in my heart, I believe God has created me to write. I believe my words matter to more people than a handful of close family and friends. I believe that if only a handful of close family and friends read what I write, and are changed for the better in some way, then I am doing the work I am called to do.
I want people to feel hopeful because of the stories I tell. I want to share glimpses of the Kingdom of God. I want to be known as a writer that speaks truth, that shares love, that makes a difference in the world. But all too often, instead of writing the stories that take lots of time, I find a picture on my phone, throw together a half-thought, and hope I’ve said something clever or deep.
I haven’t missed agonizing over the right words for a social media post this month. I haven’t created as much as I’d like (did I tell you we all got Covid this summer?) but I also haven’t filled my mind with endless scrolling. I’ve read books, made notes, and even taken up a daily meditation practice. I’ve written blog posts, made a plan to actually work on that book I keep talking about, and started a regular email chain with a friend I haven’t talked to in years. I haven’t given brain space to creating for an algorithm or to growing a platform and my creative heart feels so much more full because of it.
I take heart in knowing I’m not the only writer wrestling with this topic. It’s a frequent conversation with my Mastermind ladies, with the Literary Mama staff, and in various other groups I’m a part of. I’m not sure what the answer is. I’m not sure anyone knows. I don’t think I’ll give up social media for good, but I’m not jumping right back into daily posts either. This fall, I’m going back to the basics. A notebook. A pen. And a good old fashioned blog.
*When I refer to social media, I am talking about Facebook and Instagram. I don’t use TikTok or SnapChat or any of those other social media platforms. I am a dinosaur.
I spent some time this month setting up the Paid Subscription feature of Substack. I am moving towards treating writing like it’s my job, but the harsh reality is that there’s a lot of money going out and not a lot of money coming in. If you like what you read in this newsletter or on my website, becoming a Paid Subscriber is one way you can say “Thank You.” It’s basically the equivalent of buying me a coffee once a month.
As the months go by, I’ll begin creating content for Paid Subscribers only. I’m still working on what that will look like, but I promise you will get the best I have to offer.
And don’t worry, this monthly newsletter will remain free. If you don’t want to become a Paid Subscriber, I value you just the same. If you like what you read, would you consider sharing it with a friend or two? I’d take that over a monthly coffee any day!
I know fall is on the horizon, but the farm stand is finally producing all my summer favorites. When temperatures soared over 90 for too many days in a row this month, I found myself searching Google for “Cold meals.” I’m not sure why I always forget about Gazpacho, but it totally hit the spot this week. For extra heft, I like to grill some shrimp to put on top, and add a bit of avocado garnish.
Speaking of cold meals, this fried chicken salad is delightful. I used frozen chicken nuggets to make it a fast and easy meal after a hot afternoon at the beach.
As kids head back to school and our calendars fill up, I’m searching for all the quick and easy meals. This summer fried rice is fast and so delicious.
Lessons in Chemistry is, quite possibly, the best book I’ve read this year. It has me thinking about so many things, and makes me want to consider writing fiction instead of memoir. Or maybe one day I’ll write both! The main character, Elizabeth Zott, is a scientist in the 1960s and she finds herself on a cooking show. After reading it, I feel like Elizabeth is a dear friend, and I wish I could invite her over for a playdate.
After reading about Joan of Arc with my oldest for history last year, I’ve been in search of a good historical fiction novel for myself. This summer, Katherine Chen released Joan and it is exactly what I was hoping for. I knew very little about Joan of Arc, and Chen is taking me right into the heart of what it may have been like to be Joan way back when.
My book club is reading This Is How It Always Is in August. I read it several years ago and really loved it, so I’m enjoying a second read through of it. It’s striking me in different ways than it did then — I love when a book does that, don’t you?
***Did you know if you buy a book through one of my links on Bookshop I get a tiny bit of money? It’s another tiny way you can support my work.
In the interest of a good throwback, this month’s playlist is a compilation of all my favorites from the early 2000’s. I figure if I’m going back to the blog in my writing life, why not go back to my old music favorites as well?
For Instant Happiness, Grab a Book and Read Outside, NY Times (gifted link)
There are few voyeuristic pleasures more satisfying than stepping outside and spotting someone lost in a book. You have the thrill of recognizing a kindred spirit, the impromptu eye test of deciphering a title from afar, plus the potential of having a new mystery, biography, memoir or graphic novel to add to your own list.
Instagram is Broken. Now What? by Ashlee Gadd
Long-term, I am starting to genuinely wonder—do I even belong in this space? If Instagram is primarily promoting video content, and I have no desire to make video content, what am I supposed to do? If Instagram is going to continue punishing static content, holding my own posts hostage in an invisible queue that never gets shown to anyone, why should I bother putting it there in the first place?
Some great advice from Charlotte Donlon
[T]here are plenty of published authors with huge platforms and big ideas and bad-to-mediocre writing.
Those of us without large platforms just need to have really great ideas and better-than-average writing.
Last year, Literary Mama invited readers to experiment with writing fiction in response to Sara Dutily’s essay, Daily Bread. Always excited to write about sourdough, I cooked up a fun little story about a mama with a dream to have her own bakery and finally shared it on the blog.
Inspired by the NY Times Article I linked to earlier, I started paying attention to Where We’re Reading This Month.
Until next month,
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