When Home is Where You Are
I park on the street by the newest coffee shop in town and step out of my car, reminiscing about the house we tried to buy a few years ago just down the street. I notice the owner of the shop on the sidewalk talking to another customer. I hear him say he doesn’t want to compete with the Amazons of the world; he wants to be celebrated for what he is. He stops his conversation to say hello and offers me an elbow bump, telling me I’m looking especially fabulous today. That green of your shirt is so beautiful he says, and I say thanks, today just felt like a green day. I think to myself, “He is my people” and I open the door, catching a whiff of cardamom as I walk in.
The minute I enter, I’m reminded of my favorite coffee shop back in my beloved Grant Park. I would walk there a couple of times a week pushing the girls in our bright blue double Bumbleride stroller, treating myself to a coffee before taking them to the zoo to play for a few hours. I miss that neighborhood every single day now that we live in Massachusetts, but this new coffee shop reminds me that places like this exist everywhere. I just have to be on the lookout.
I order a cardamom bun and a latte, and add a loaf of focaccia at the last minute, thinking it will be a good surprise for lunch after I’ve picked the girls up from their pottery class.
My hands full with the goodies I’ve purchased, I head back outside and see the owner walking back towards the shop. He stops me to say hi again and asks how I’m doing on this beautiful day. The way he asks the question feels genuine, like if I wanted to tell him about really crappy things in my life, he would sit with me and listen for however long it took. I don’t, because in this moment, all is mostly right in my world. Just the fact that this stranger is genuinely interested in my answer makes me feel a little more at home. He asks what my plans are for the day and I tell him I’m not quite sure; my kids are in a pottery class, and I’m not usually alone. “Oh how fun!” he exclaims, “So you have some chill time. Go! Enjoy your chill.”
I’m smiling from ear to ear as I unlock the doors to my grey minivan and climb inside. It’s not often that I get time by myself, and this morning’s encounter feels like a gift. I drive down the street and see the ocean in front of me. The sky is bright blue dotted with cottony white clouds. This view will never get old, I think to myself, and I continue my drive home.
I walk in the door and put the cardamom bun in the microwave before grabbing a notebook and a pen. “I’m going to the ocean!” I call out to my husband who is working downstairs. I share a bite of cardamom bun with him before I walk out the door and climb back in my grey minivan. As I back down the driveway, I open the sunroof and let the brisk air fill my lungs.
It takes six minutes to drive back to the ocean. I lived without the ocean for so long, but I can’t imagine a life without it now. I sit on the sand and watch the waves lap gently along the shore. I can feel the cool wind upon my neck and my troubles disappear into the water like tiny grains of sand. In these rare moments of solitude on the beach, I find myself praying prayers of gratitude that God always shows up in this place.
I woke at 2:30 this morning, tossing and turning like a boat on rough ocean waves. The wind roared outside my bedroom window and as I lay there unsettled, my thoughts went to my Mom. It was November when I last saw her and my heart aches at the thought. It’s always in the middle of the night that I wake up thinking of my family. Three in the morning seems like the best time to wonder if we should do what it takes to move back home to be closer to my family.
It’s always when I’m lying in complete darkness in the early morning hours, unable to fall back asleep, that I cry out to God wanting him to make a way for me to go home. It hasn’t happened in a while, but the last year has made me miss my family more than ever. It’s been a year of solitude, a year of sacrifice, a year of feeling alone. It’s been a year that could have been filled with so much more happiness if we had just been within driving distance of these dear people of mine.
But just now, God has answered my prayers in a most unexpected way. An encounter with a new coffee shop owner who genuinely cares about his customers. The ability to drop my children off at a pottery class and catch a few moments of solitude on the beach. In the kind eyes of the coffee shop owner and the gentle lapping of the waves, God whispers to me, “Crystal, you are already home.”
What’s Saving Your Life Right Now?
We’ve lived in New England for more than five years now, and I have come to the conclusion that Spring is the worst season here. You look outside and see sunshine, expecting warmth to fill your bones, but the moment you step outside the wind reminds you not to leave without your jacket, hat, and scarf. Over the years, we’ve learned to embrace the warm days of Spring as gifts, and to keep layers in the car for the days when the sun feels warm, but the wind tells a different story.
An Altar in the World, written by Barbara Brown Taylor, is an attempt to answer the question: What’s saving your life right now? As we begin to look towards Summer, knowing that we have several more weeks of cold wind in our future, here are five things bringing me joy in this season (none of which are as deeply profound as Taylor’s).
These dino pops are my favorite secret to being a fun mom. Lately I have been filling them with fruit juice or pureed fruit, but I’ve been known to turn smoothies into popsicles for a more fulfilling treat. I can put anything in these things and my girls think they are the most delicious popsicle ever. And aren’t they just so adorable?! Who wouldn’t want to eat a dino pop?
Alexa: What Should I Wear Today?
I happened upon this by accident. Autumn likes to ask Alexa about the weather every morning and I started noticing notifications on my phone with outfit suggestions. At first I balked. I do not need some robot telling me to buy clothes every morning! But then I realized something. What if I used her suggestions to wear things I already had in my closet? It felt like a complete moment of brilliance; maybe I can step out of my Mom Uniform of black leggings and a sweatshirt! Except for the day when it was 50-degrees outside and Alexa wanted me to wear a dress with tennis shoes (um Alexa, I NEED PANTS in New England!), I’ve had some pretty good outfit ideas lately.
The Covid Vaccine is literally saving lives right now and I was unexpectedly emotional about my first dose. David has had both shots, I get my second dose on Sunday, restrictions in Massachusetts are being slowly lifted, and it feels like things are slowly getting back to pre-pandemic life. And now I want to make a covid pinata and beat the thing to death. Anyone else?
One of the brightest lights in the last year has come from Autumn’s dance studio. She is finishing up her first competition season and it has been such a life-giving experience for the entire family. It is a true gift to be part of a studio that considers dance a work of art. I am always at how much their dances make me feel; they are not just dancers, they are artists. And it’s a joy watching them perform their art.
April is National Poetry Month, and I’ve been learning how to read and write poetry with the lovely ladies of Exhale Creativity. I started a poetry journal and have been exploring all the ways poetry makes me feel. Once I stopped trying to understand what the poet meant and focused on how the poetry made me feel, I realized that poetry is really just the heartbeat of humanity. I have found the Haiku form to be a fun challenge, along with the Acrostic, and am storing up poems for future publication. I also wrote a poem about spring and about the view from my front door.
What I’m Reading
April was a S.L.O.W. month for me on the reading front. I started a stack of books but for various reasons haven’t been able to finish most of them. I am loving A Thousand Vessels by Tania Runyan. Runyan’s poetry is inspired by the lives of ten women in the Bible and I’m finding it to be incredibly healing and inspiring.
The one book I did finish this month was Libertie by Kaitlyn Greenidge. Libertie has been on many “Most Anticipated Book” lists this year and I have to say it does not disappoint. It was a slow read for me, but mostly because the prose is so beautiful and poetic that I wanted to savor it. It raises many questions about what it means to be a woman, what it means to be black, and what it means to be a Haitian.
What have you been reading lately?
Recipes to Try
This is our last month without a farm share pickup and I’m thrilled that our freezer is almost empty! This Taco Torte is one of my favorite ways to use up frozen corn, greens, and tomatoes and is always a huge hit around the house.
These Teriyaki Lentils are also an easy and nutritious meal for any season, but I especially love them in the Spring. I thought I hated Lentils, until someone brought me these 7 years ago after the birth of my second baby. This recipe converted me into a huge lentil fan. Try it, and report back!
Easy pasta meals have been a go-to around here lately, especially on days when the sun decides to creep out and we run to the beach at the last minute. This Skillet Ravioli with Spinach is an easy favorite, and this Crispy Tortellini with Peas is as well.
In Case You Missed It
Holy Week came and went. Easter was hard, but Jesus is still risen, and I’m singing all the Alleluias for that.
I brought my ravioli maker to show and tell but forgot to tell the story behind why.
I started a letter writing challenge and wrote a letter to my childhood self, the toilet, and to single mamas. I’ll be finishing up the challenge next month, so stay tuned for letters to a fashion, someone in need, and much more!
I’ve been working on some essays about really hard topics, so self-forgiveness and making chocolate chip cookies have been important skills this month.
And finally, I looked back on the night my oldest had croup, how we spent hours creating the perfect nursery, and what I’ve learned over the years about kids and sleep for this month’s Blog Hop.
Something to Empower You
I leave you this month with a lazy sonnet I wrote as part of my poetry class this month. May you feel empowered by these words to embrace grace in your own life.
Silence
fear
sadness
uncertainty
shame.
Mistakes
made
Apologies
spoken
unheard.
Self-forgiveness
acceptance—
Embrace
Grace.
Until next month,
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