🧶When Writing Looks Like A Ball of Yarn
And Showing Up is What Matters Most 🧶
I sit in the library, where a big leather chair envelops me like a giant hug. My hands reach up to remove the glasses nestled on my nose, gently setting them on the table beside me. I pull my notebook out of my bag, open to my outline, and rest it on my lap, wondering where to begin.
It’s 6:30pm on a Monday night. My daughter is in gymnastics for three hours, and I’ve claimed this time as mine “to write.” I want to be productive, to use this time well, so I can go home and tell my husband just how successful I was. And yet, when I sit here with pen and paper and nowhere else to be, words escape me. I find myself making lists instead. Or meal planning. Or thinking about the other gazillion things on my calendar this week.
Giving up, I put the top on my pen and sigh. The sound of the click echoes in the silence and I allow myself to smile. I might not write tonight, but I am glad to rest in the quiet of this place. Returning the notebook to my bag, I take out a ball of yarn and a crochet hook instead. Yarn over, pull it through, chain one, skip a stitch. Repeat. Over and over again. The repetitive motion becomes meditative. My heart rate begins to slow. I breathe deeply, allowing oxygen to enter my lungs.
As I sit in silence, making a scarf to adorn my neck on the coldest of New England days, my mind begins to wander. I think about how I got here today. I mull over the stories I’ve outlined; the scenes I want to include in this book project I’ve been working on. I remember wrestling with words to tell the pieces years ago; where did I write them down? A new memory comes to the front of my brain. I pull out my notebook and jot it down.
My writing doesn’t feel cohesive these days. More like strands of loose yarn, waiting to be woven together. I’m not doing much new writing. What I’m doing is a lot of word collecting. It feels frustrating at times, especially with a page no more full than when I started. But I continue to show up. Every Monday and Wednesday night, I fall into this monstrous leather chair, to wrestle with words, to play with yarn, to close my eyes and think. Maybe there aren’t hundreds of pages to show off at the end of the night. In time it will come together. But only if I refuse to give up.
With the start of fall comes the last of the eggplant, tomatoes, and zucchini and the first of the cabbage, winter squash, and potatoes. At one point this month, we had seven heads of cabbage hanging out in our fridge. I think we’re finally down to two, but I trust more will make their way to our farm share later this week. I love this Cabbage Pasta, especially because it uses an entire head of cabbage (or two if they are small!)
And speaking of cabbage, these Baked Giant White Beans with Cabbage might just be my new favorite way to cook beans. The cabbage adds a sweetness that is out of this world delicious. I used Rancho Gordo Royal Corona beans, which remind me of baby potatoes, and there really is no substitute. But, in a pinch, you could use dry white limas too.
I was talking to some friends this weekend about the vast amount of eggplant we’ve been eating lately when they told me they despised eggplant. I immediately launched into all my favorite ways to eat eggplant, including this Stuffed Eggplant Parmesan (which freezes beautifully, by the way). Will you do me a favor and just try one of these recipes while the eggplant is still coming off the vine? Report back and let me know which one you choose, and whether or not you liked it!
I listened to the #amwriting podcast with Emily Henry earlier this month and I love the way she encourages us to read (and write) what we love. I’m taking a deep dive into all the fun books on my shelf right now. Thank You for Listening was simply a delight. It made me laugh, it made me nod my head, it made me think, but mostly it just made me feel good. And right now, that’s exactly what I need.
I devoured Counterfeit in less than 48 hours. The topic is not a deep one, but the writing is brilliant. I loved every single thing about it.
For a deeper, darker read, I finally finished The Moor’s Account. It has been on my shelf since it first came out, but I kept putting it off. I knew it would make me angry and sad. It is a fantastic read, with masterful writing and is a piece of history we should all dive a little bit deeper into learning about.
September’s playlist has a very chill vibe to it, perfect for when you’re in the kitchen roasting the first pumpkins of the season, cleaning the bathrooms that never seem to stay clean, or when you manage to commandeer the car radio from your children.
This article about covid and brain fog is so on point. It’s been two months since we had covid, but my brain is still not back to normal.
Speaking of the brain, I’m hearing more and more about adult women being diagnosed with ADHD.
I’m LOVING this new video put together by the cast of Hamilton. I wish it were on every commercial break on TV right now. Share it wide friends! Check your voter registration. Do your research on your local elections. And please go vote.
Recently:
Sometimes homeschool life is really hard, but sometimes it’s glorious. Like those days when it’s nearly perfect weather, so you pack your books and head to the local castle by the beach for a picnic lunch while quietly reading.
~From Where We’re Reading; I also made a Instagram Reel
She stands on the threshold,
bare feet on rocks;
cap on cranium,
hands on hips,
baby in belly,
toddler secure on the sand.
~From On The Threshold; You can also check out this Spoken Word Reel combining my words with my voice and the sound of the ocean.
This is the kind of useful quilt every family needs. The one you throw together hastily from whatever material you find. Hand stitched from old clothes. Tattered and torn. Washed over and over again. Signs of a life well loved.
A few months ago I shared my love of tacos in my good friend Rachel’s newsletter in response to the writing prompt: What Recipe Defines You? I’ve been thinking about my favorite taco recipes ever since, so I thought I’d finally compile them all and share them with you on the blog.
~From Favorite Taco Recipes
Don’t be afraid of disappointment. Sometimes people won’t respond and your heart will be broken. Other times you’ll end up with the best friends you could ever imagine. You never know the outcome when you take the first step, but if you never take the step, you’ll increase your chances of being lonely forever.
~From Seven Steps to Cure Loneliness
I never expected to feel emotional over the death of Queen Elizabeth II, but after reading Our Island Story and watching The Crown with my ten-year-old on Netflix, The Queen felt like a huge part of our life – if even from afar.
~ From Rest in Peace Queen Elizabeth
Be who you are today. Not who you were yesterday. Not who you want to be tomorrow.
~From Five Lessons from the Yoga Mat
When I take the time to plan at the beginning of my cycle, I feel less scattered and more creative as the month goes on. I am starting to admit that I can’t work on everything all of the time. And when I try to, my brain spins in circles and nothing gets done.
~From Cycle Planning
One Year Ago:
When they’ve molded their curds and the plastic is left to cure, the girls and I will gather our books and snuggle on the couch. We’ll drink Trader Joe’s Pumpkin Spice tea and read the Norse myth about how humans were created out of the ash and alder trees. Then we’ll compare it to the Genesis story we read yesterday about how humans were formed out of dust. We’ll practice math facts and Spanish words and they will teach me as much as I teach them. Maybe more.
~From Some Days are Harder Than Others
He longs to return to the boundless waves;
out of compassion, they take deep breaths
and step out of the boat. A brief moment of rest.
Now there’s work to do.
~From There’s So Much Work to Do
When words feel elusive and you want to throw in the towel,
may you feel the gentle breeze of fall caress your shoulders;
may you find peace in the meditative nature of repetition;
and may you comfortably rest in the knowledge
that showing up is what matters most.
Until next month,
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Coming soon for Paid Subscribers: writing prompts, meal plans, and other seasonal thoughts.
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